My body is refusing to cooperate with me. I fear that I won’t be satisfied with my running for many months. Maybe that fear will blow over once I’m at school and running with the club everyday. For now, I feel pathetic when I run. I barely make it through 40 minute runs, and it’s quite common for me to have to stop 20 minutes into a run because I’m winded and my muscles feel like they’re failing. This isn’t a mental issue. It couldn’t be. I’ve been patient with my body up until this point, and the occasional terrible run (in reality, this occurs more often than not now) has become impossible to ignore. This isn’t a self pity post though. The only realistic solution is for me to to accept that fact that my body is going to need substantial time before that 4:33 mile PB is changing.
I’m rather curious why, on a biological level, it has been so difficult for me to regain fitness. Is it because my bout with mono took away so much from my body during the initial illness (2 weeks) that it is still recovering? Or is it because my body is still constantly debilitated by the long term effects of mono? (4 and a half months later) I’m not sure if my sentence structure properly distinguishes the two scenarios I visualized in my head, but hopefully it does.
All I need to feel much better about this period of terrible running is some sign of improvement. I’ve been unable to move up from 40 minute runs to 50 minute runs, and as soon as that happens, I think I’ll be in much better shape psychologically.